apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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