I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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