He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Randomize
