And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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