she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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