You're my little dorito
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
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