I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
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