It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
