yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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