Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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