how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Randomize
