totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
