I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
