My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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