i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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