I am in a vortex of obligation.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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