What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
