She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
