She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Randomize
