just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
