These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
