"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
