Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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