I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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