so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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