Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Randomize
