I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Randomize
