Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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