i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
The uberlube is also flammable
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
