there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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