come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
