I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Randomize
