I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Houston, we have a squirter
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
