I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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