dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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