Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Randomize
