..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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