Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
oh god the rape fog is back!
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
