I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
