piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
