i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
