Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
