I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
