so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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