what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I met the friendliest cop last night
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
