Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
