I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
