Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
He is an equal opportunity slut.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
