so that wasnt chicken after all
i think my mom watched the whole time
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
