do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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