i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
