There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
