I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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