well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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